What Lies within High School's Shadow

The Inital Act

I can feel it swarming me.
It crawls up and down my spine.
A kind of tingling feeling.
I don't know what to do.
Scared now from the fear of the unknown.
It happens to thousands of people everyday.
Yet...
I don't know how to accept it.
I begin to think about what i've accomplished.
I think about all the good times.
I think about all the bad times.
As I breathe in and out.
I can feel my troubles just washing away.
I have a sort of clear headed-ness.
I think even harder now.
The message seems fuddled.
I realize what I must do now.
All of a sudden a wash of insecurity rushes over me.
"What if I don't do it?" "Its all a lucid dream"
I push those thoughts out of my head.
I finally decide in one final act that I must become something stronger.
I must become something that could never thought of, something original.


The Aftermath


Now I realize that I had failed my goal.
I did not bring equality.
There are still thousands of people still lost in their own niche.
I look upon these people and ask how can you live like that?
Suppressing their own feelings about things.
I cannot process that in my head.
Upon these groups I do not see any just cause why these groups function like this.
I begin to retreat in Exile.
Once I get there I realize there are other people here.
They all shared the same goal I once had.
Some of them have even returned back to the unjust groups.
I know there are others like me.
But they are afraid to let go of what they keep.
To be indulged in greed, one cannot possilbly afford to lose their prestige among their group members.
They will not reach Nirvana if they have the mindset of a mindless follower that just follows the group because they all leech onto one another.
Even inside classrooms I hear things that would make the average joe school goer cringe and wonder.
All of the stories that involve drug abuse and unprotected sex always end up the same way.
Or.
The mindless people try to cover it up by "going to church and being a good boy/girl"
I begin to wonder how much it bothers them that at one point each of them had a goal and/or dream.
I am even lower now.
The feeling of everything spinning outta control is tremendous.
I think about those "old" good times.
The bad doesn't even seem bad anymore now.
I realize that I am not afraid of living the life I have.
I continue to push on, but of course in exile excluded away from the core "groups"
I go back to my Exile.
Until a new wave of group comes along and roosts me out of my exile.
I instantly get the feeling of "We are top shit badasses that would fuck some guy up." and of course the "Oh! If I see (enter name here) I'm gonna mess him up bad!" from this new group.
Again I hear this constantly.
I keep seeing the same person saying this and going by the same (enter name here from last parathesis) and saying nothing to that person.
This group tries to desperately to recruit someone who has a car.
They will continue to go from person to person trying to find some form of entertainment.
The rage within me grows to this day.
I look for hope from some other foriegn source.
A strangely acting force begins to tempt me into becoming a key member of another group.
I accept unknowingly what would happen to me.
I instantly felt the feeling of someone who is looked up upon. A strong person who is able and willing for this group.
A unknown entity begins to come to this group.
The group, from the beginning has doubts against this unknown entity.
The unknown entity takes a form of shrewed cloud around my newly joined group.
It falls into an inactive motion and stays around us for what seems like forever.

The Beginning of The End

Each day that goes by I begin to see more and more superficialality.
But... I begin to see more people that are pure of soul.
To see these people is like a godsend.
I think to myself that if I don't act immediately I could possibly let these people down.
I know that I will come off sounding as a strange character.
I don't care and I know it will not be all right because these people show signs of what I had been through.
I know that everything will be ok.
I begin to accept my fate within this group, and i realize that I am now essential to this group.
I try to consel the Pure Souls and give them hope that no matter the fake-ness of the majority of people they will encounter.
No matter the severity I hope the group will hold together.
Now I am in constant joy to know the few people that are not corrupt by the media.
I keep smiling as days go by and nobody knows "Why?"

The End of The End

Hostality and insecurity have taken over most of the group members.
Like a virus it tries to spread to all who are within.
Little do these miniscule virus's know, the antibody is also within the group.
Funny how things go from bad...to good....and then now to bad once again.
Where did this start?
How did it get this bad?
I think back to what I should call my friends.
The root of the infection started there and slowly tried to work its way to the brain...to the core.
Anger and Animosity bewilder the core.
I try to gather the source of infection.
The infection seems to have come in through and bunch load of gossip and some crude rumors.
It happend right in front of me.
Upon retrospect, now all i can think about is that I could of stopped the madness right when it first began.
The slurs stopped...I made sure to that, but then one of the infected began to turn right on another core member starting rumors about his sexuality.
Once I had heard this all I could muster in my head was that "What's wrong with that?"
If this member really did find his utopia of sexuallity, who am I to dis him on that?
The shrewd cloud begins to become active like a volcano.
It seems like the group cannot function anymore.
At this point, I'm ready to basically let the group die.
To finally let go of everything that has been built up is a feeling like no other.
The joy of restarting again is a very emotional process but its the way of the better path.