7/24/2006

Me Mind

I dont know what to dowith myself.
This mind of mine is my own hell.
Dont ask to help me
If you cant be me
Ask me to clear my head
Ask me to make my bed
And thoughts of you
Wishing I was dead
Will cross through my head.

7/10/2006

to you mr scoots

Its been a 'sad' week heRE in this part of the STates. Two young men from this area dIed aNd Scoots has asked that he be removed from SAPS. I took it to his bEst interest and i "killed" him from SAPS. RIP SCoots, it was a good run my friEnd.

7/04/2006

Pleasure From Fault.....Faulty Pleasure?

In human nature, we are bound to fuck up. Sooner or later. The thing that makes fault even more unbearable for the bearer is when someone actually enjoys the taste of fault...embarassment, whatever the feeling. There are people in the world that are sadists. There are people who are quite the opposite, although rare these people can be found. Its amazing how these types of people have abstained from such feeling. One thing though that gives us more choices in life is intelligence. With intelligence we are able to learn from our mistakes. "We fall in order to pick ourselves up." "You learn to crawl so you learn how to walk."

Therefore, isn't that considered faulty pleasure? Faulty by dictionary meaning is... adj. Containing a fault or defect; imperfect or defective. Pleasure by definition is The state or feeling of being pleased or gratified.

In essence, if I add Faulty and Pleasure I get something around bouts of defective gratification. Short term pleasure by hate, greed, jeaously, once again insert whatever negative feeling that floats your boat. Then again, I suppose its all just human nature, but a rhetorical question is "When have we crossed that line of human nature and complete negativity?"

7/03/2006

Welcome back

The day has come. Today was the first in over since I finally got to hang out with FEZ. It was one of the greatest times I have had in long time. For the 4-5 hours, it was the crew back in its original form and function. He's here till the 5 of July so lets all say Fuck the fourth and celebrate Fez arrival.

7/02/2006

A Theory

Bear with me on this theory, it sounds a bit crazy but I'm throwin this out there to everyone.

Theory: Humans came from two gigantic beings (later formed into Gee-Whiz) that are sent through time & space to this place we call earth.

Birth of humans, from an almighty being known as God or w/e supreme being you'd like to throw in the blank. How was this almighty being formed? There probably is a story or some shit that explains how god came to be...blah...blah...blah... but here is an idea I thought of.

What if two gigantic life forms that looked human, both given extraordinary traits. Formed together to make one. I speculate that one being would be a gigantic blob of bright material that possessed positive thoughts, the other being the opposite dark and filled with negative thoughts. Combined, these two would form a shade of grey where everything would be thrown into, therefore causing a major consicousness to arise (Gee-Whiz)

This thing would then like a sponge, bud off, but these buddings would not be as complete as the original. With each more and more being budded off, the lesser and lesser the "potentcy" of the buddings. These buddings would then be sent through time & space to take place inside of a fetus and develop. To make baby humans.

Ok so here's an equation if you didn't get what I just wrote above.
Positive thoughts + negative thoughts = Gee Whiz
Gee Whiz divides for eternity.
Man continues to spread like a virus.

The not so super, superheros.

Superheros. The figures of our childhood, of our wants, needs, pain and imagination. Superheros or heros in general are an amazing feature of our society. But what makes them such a hit? After a recent conversation with former member The Surgeon, I have brought each main character into thought.

Superman-Alter Ego is Clark Kent, super strong, x-ray vison, can hear anything, can fly,compassionate, fast as light, looks human but hes from another planet. His weakness is kryptonite, the one iteam that can bring the "Man of Steel" to his knees.

Batman-Alter Ego is Bruce Wayne, rich, motivated, strong,smart, badass and cunning. His weakness is he is human.

Wolverine-Super strong, can heal in seconds, has claws that come out of hands, badass, freelance. His weakness is magnets and he is almost human.
(this is just a sample)

Look back at these characters and one thing comes to mind. They all posses almost human like characteristics. Superman is compassionate. Batman is human. Wolverine is partial. Looking back however, we seem to enjoy the idea of humans or something close to us triumphing over 'evil' no matter how it is done. We also like the idea that all heros are flawed. Or basically, the heros are not immmortal that instantly they too could die. But what really drives it(what I believe) is that they model what we want to be or the abilities we would like to have mixed with the responsibilities.

All in all they are the better us in our eyes. The not so super, superheros.

Back to The SAPPY roots

I have come to realize that in most recent events S.A.P.S has fallen from its roots and original purpose. It became a place for personal rants and dramatic attacks on specific people by my/our easily misinterpetable writings. So I(we) come to you as the reader. In full front force, in devotion to making this blog as true to its purpose as possible.

7/01/2006

"Smiling" ACT ONE "DEALING THE WRONG HAND"

I was tied to a chair in a room with only one light. The light was right above me. I was wearing my usual fancy tie, no shirt, suit coat, hole infested blue jeans mixed with the occasional blood splatter stain every time the two brutes hit me. They wanted answers and all I did was smile. Each time they would ask a question I would pull my head up and smile a pretty blood gushing smile. Then the two fucking brutes would look at each other, then me, then start punching again. Yes Im fucking insane. Yes I have lost my mind. They want me to speak, and all I want to do is smile.

Rosa, this girl from down the street, is tending her garden in her usual red apron red clogs red weed cutter uniform. Shes fucking insane. Everyday I walk by her she says "Well howdy neighbor, how do you do?" I respond nicely with a "Not too bad, yourself?" as I walk on by. My cig always burns to the filter at this point. I ash it then I flick it in her Garden as she watches this little ball of flame glide through the air and into her precious Garden. All she can do is smile. She goes back to tending her garden and I continue walking.

I go to the house of the man I know as Obi Scat Cat. Hes the man with connections. He knows anyone and everyone. His house is this small rundown shack on the corner of 5th and Smith. I knock three times. If you knock once or twice, its a sign that you really dont care. If you knock 4 or more its excessive and shows signs of obsessive and stupid behavior. Three times is just right. I light up another cig just as the door opens. Two tough guys open the door and let me in. Obi Scat Cat is sitting at the table. He gets up and we greet like ol'buddies we are. The ol' Hand shake to hug greeting. "Whats with the new cats?" I say. Cats are what we call the tough guys who answer the door and keep security. "Im on high alert for now and I need some faces to cover my traces" Obi Scat Cat says. " You don't look too happy Scat" Only close trusted friends can call Obi Scat Cat, Scat. "I got this feelin' that some good pals of mine are tryin to fuck wit me.". "Who would fuck with you? The network of all people?" I respond as smoke slowly emerges from my mouth."I got this hunch that somehow Rockstar has something to do wit it. I want you to help me get to the bottom of this you dig?". I pull out another smoke from my pocket and offer it to Scat. He shakes his head horizontally so I light it for myself. (Inhale) "Sure Scat, Let me get my boys and we'll find out for ya as long as you give me all the(exhale) information you know." I say. He nods and reaches over to shake my hand. "Listen Scat I've got your back, now its time to-" Scat's phone rings. Its this dame, Olympa, she wanted to know when we were all getting together. We called her 'Limp' for short. Scat hung up the phone the moment I smashed my cig in the ashtray. He looked satisfied, so I smiled.

I decided to leave my boys outta this until shit gets heavy, if it does. I knocked on Rockstars door three times. He answered a little worried. He knew something was up. I tried a little talking but that shit ain't his style. So we played music for awhile and the talking sorta came out. The conversation was geared towards anything but Obi Scat Cat. He wouldn't talk. All he could talk about was music. Thats it. He didn't want trouble and hes a good pal of mine so I didn't disrepect his wants in his own house. We started to play some meaningful music that made him smile.

Scat had arranged the annual meeting. We all sat at this big fucking table in a smoke filled room playing poker. Scat always sat in the middle and I sat to his right. To his left was Charles aka Chuck. The three of us were considered the elite three of the group. Around the circle in clockwise formation sat Scat,Chuck, Rockstar, Fish, Cuts, Vids and Me. Tonight though was a different lineup. Scat invited the dame Limp. She was new to this group and our business actions. Scat and Chuck gave her a smile and I was my fucking self. "So what brings pretty Limp walking down here?" I sarcastically say. She's a rookie to this whole Poker thing. In no time shes down a dub. I puff my cig and watch as Scat takes the final game like usual. He looks at his chips then at Limp. Chucks is his usual weird nice. Me and the non elite members are joking around while Scat and Chuck smile at Limp.

More and more 'meetings' would come till finally at the end of one of them. Everyone else starts leaving. I was last to leave but before I could step on the stair to leave, Limp abruptly grabs me by the arm. She drags me onto the concrete floored room away from the group. "We need to talk" the dame says. I look at her hand thats holding my arm "About what?" and I pull my arm out from her grasp."Your the only one in the group I can trust" she says. Shes has her eyes looking at me like a poor innocent sweet cat. Her cute face is fancied by an out of style feathered hooker boa that raps around her neck. She grabs my arm again and says "I need you to figure somethings out for me. It's about Rockstar, I like him and I need you to find out if he likes me ya know what I'm sayin!? And Dammit keep it 'in the alley' lets keep this between you and me." Her grip gets tighter. Once again I rip my hand out from her grip. I grab a smoke from pocket and light it up. (exhale)"I'll see what I can do." The dame was relieved that I agreed to help. I gained her trust. She knew I had no attraction for her. She also knew of my connections and that my feelings for her cant get in the way since I have none for her. I walk up the stairs to the door. I stop and turn around and see the dame showing her pearly whites. I smiled back.

I did my usually route and said my greetings to Rosa. I met with Scat to talk about the progress I was making. "Hey Scat, we need to talk. Its about us boys playing Poker. I think something is up". He looks at me in the eyes then down at the floor. "I feel the same. It's no fun anymore. Theres this negativity in the air." We decided to consult Chuck on his views with this situation to see if hes got information for us. I pick up my phone and dial him up.
"Hey" he says gruffly
"Yo we need to talk about some shit" I say
"About what?"
"Pokers dying damn it, and it seems to be takin the group down with it." I say cautiously.
"I know man, I feel the same way."
I look over my shoulder to Scat looking at me concerned.
"We need to figure up whats up now before shit starts to fly."
"I agree, I'll see what I can do"he says
*click*

I look over at Scat and hes more concerned then ever. He looks at me and says,"I got a call from Limp, she needs my help." I look at him like what the fuck is going on. "Wait a sec-what does she want you do?". He looks at me in the eye and tells me that she wants help on getting Rockstar to be her man. "Fuck man! That dame wants me to do the same, she said to keep it secret!" I burst in confused anger. Another cig flings to my mouth. We pull up chairs at the old table. Scat says to me in a concerned voice "I guess if this is what she wants we might as well try to help her". I respond (with cig in mouth and trying to light it) "I guess". Scat gives me the worried smile, I give him back the 'this-could-be-a-fucking-set up' smile.

I made a stop at Rockstar's house to get some shit straightened. I tried to make him go limp over Limp. All I could get from him was "I'm not sure if I like her but I think shes good and all but theres a chance I could. I really want this gal Kats McKat, but I wouldn't mind Limp." Kats was a mysterious dame. I've met her once, but I don't know much about the dame. All he did was give me the "I do, I don't" response. He was taking middle ground. I notified Scat and Limp on what was going on. I told'em that Rockstar said there was a chance for a "Limp and Rockstar".Scat was worried as was I. Limp on the other got happy. She was smiling.

Scat and Limp would get more involved. He told her everything, and she did the same. The thing with Limp and Chuck was also building. The Limp and Rockstar situation was the same. Except for the fact she kept demanding we get more involved and 'get him to want her'. More and more Rockstar was backing outta the group. We got suspicious and decided to take it to the next level, besides you don't just back out for no reason. We tried all we could or so we thought. Obi Scat Cat calls me up at the lean part of the night.
"Who the fu-" I say before being interrupted
"GET the fuck over here. I ain't got time to explain cause shit will never be the same!" Obi Scat Cat says angrily.
*click*

I hustle my sorry ass over with guns loaded and my cig burning. I knock out out both the cats, bunch of novices. I knock three times, but no answer. I instinctively kick the door open with my nines held before me. Scat is there looking me in the face with a shotgun doing the same. "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!" I say. Scat looks at me and around me. "SHIT AINT FLY AND I THINK ROCKSTAR IS THE GUY!!" Scat shouts. I say "AND WHAT ABOUT THIS SHIT WITH LIMPS!?" Scat looks at me and says "IF I AM HOLDING THEM BACK THEY MIGHT AS WELL JUST DISCONNECT THE CHORD, SEVERE THEIR CONNECTION!! WE MUST FOLLOW WITH MY NEW PLAN-RID OF ROCKSTAR, AND ALL THAT ARE CONNECTED. BECAUSE THIS CONDUCTOR AINT PLAYING THEIR MUSIC!" So we bust over to his car but as Scat steps over the cats and he says "TODAYS LESSON:DOG MEAT!!" Scat takes the wheel and burns out in a fury. Tonight shit hits the fan, tonight we drop the bomb. Oh the smile I had.

We went to Rockstars house and told him we needed to meet at Limps corner. He agreed and met us there. Cuts and fish came with us to make sure we didnt leave a mess. They also made sure to let us do our thing. Obi Scat took a deep breathe of hate and exhaled. "Limps, Rockstar" he said"This has to stop. Tonight, I end it. Tommorow I reap the rewards of tonight." Limps cautiously approaches as does Rockstar. "Whats up Obi Scat Cat, whats the prob-" "Problem?PROBLEM!? The PROBLEM miss Olympa is this using shit. I AM SICK AND TIRED OF BEING A FUCKING DATING SERVICE!! LIMPS AM I A DATING SERVICE TO YOU!?" says Scat. ""N-" says Rockstar before being interrupted "I AM NOT YOUR DATING BITCH! I AM THE NETWORK, THE SHIT THAT KEEPS OUR SHIT SOLID, PROFITABLE AND YOUR FUCKING WITH ME AS A BUSINESS MAN AND A FUCKING HUMAN, WE WERE FRIENDS!!!" The air was dead. We asked Rockstar to get in the car. Cuts and fish decided to leave and stay low for awhile. He undeniable agreed. Before we sped off I looked at Limps and she was smiling.

Scat and I took Rockstar for a little ride up to the water hole. When we got there, we drew our guns to his head as he did the same. I yelled "All we want is some fucking answers!"he responded by saying "So do I, Goddammit!". Lightening strikes and seconds later, the rain pours down. Any harder and it would be hail. I yell "You know why we're here Rockstar!". Scat's eyebrows sink into a furious rage and says "Fucking Rockstar! After all We've done for you! You were there when I lost my pops and took over the business. YOU WERE THERE from the beginning and now you decide to stabe me in the back!?(gun steadies in his hand) I'm fucking through with this shit!(his thumb slowly pulls back the hammer). All we wanted was to help you and Limp become one and make this problem go away, but Noooo thats not what Rockstar wants, he wants to keep telling us 'I dos' and 'I donts'. (the rain has already soaked us like we were swimming in our clothes) It's time we rid-rather I rid of this problem right now!" Before he could pull the trigger Rockstar responds "Is this what all this shits been about!? Limps? Did she send you here or what!? The whole fucking reason I backed away a little from the group was because of this!?" I yell, "Because of what!?" Rockstar drops his gun in the mud before him. "Because of Limps! Hasn't she told you?" Scat and I look at each other confused. "All that dame has said was that you are expressing interest in her and that you would go out with her sorta thing" I say. Rockstar looks at me in his drenched clothing and says "What the fuck? Awhile back, like a day or so afta that first meeting with her I told her twice(holds up fingers) that I didn't want her at all. I said just as a friend, but fuck man, I told her straight that all I wanted was Kats!" I drop my gun before me and drop a punch on Rockstars pretty little wet face. I start wailing on him, "Fuck, fuck man why couldnt you tell us that along time ago motha fucker!?". Scat grabs my arm as Rockstar speaks "I thought she told you, I thought you guys just had it out for me, like you back stabbed me. I didn't know!" His arm swipes across his nose to wipe the blood. "Fuck man, that really hurt!" Rockstar squeezes out. I drop to my knees in the mud. Have we been made fools? Have we been used to destroy something innocent? It was this moment we all had realized what had happened and that a war was brewing. I grabbed my mud covered gun and got up off my knees. The rain started to get heavier and the wind started to gust with force. I smiled a wicked smile. I tossed Rockstar my gun and patted Scat on the back. I told'em in a soft voice "The mud is warm".

END OF ACT ONE "DEALING THE WRONG HAND"